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Kevin and Bean Transcript 2002
Listen to this entire interview as MP3 files: part 1, 4.1 Mb, part 2, 2.4 Mb and part 3, 5.4 Mb.

It's the Kevin and Bean show. As we mentioned the two hour series finale of the X-Files is going to be this Sunday at 8 o'clock on Fox. You know I was thinking about our friend Dave. I could star in a series if I could take two years off at a time.†

DD: laughing.†

Lisa: Sure.†

Bean: How hard is that?†

DD: Well, if could have taped the show and moved to another state, I would have done that as well.†

Kevin: David was fascinated by the fact that Bean is working out of his house. He's been doing that 3 years full time now Dave.†

Bean: It's the best deal.†

DD: Yeah. (laughing)†

Bean: Now thanks a lot for coming in, first of all. Kevin said he ran into you at the Lakers game the other night.†

DD: Yeah, yeah.†

Bean: And uh, I want to know how you feel about Lakers/Sacramento this weekend. We have a $500 bet with Miss Tyra Banks. She's going with Sacramento because, you know, she's dating Chris Webber. And we, of course, are going with the lakers.†

DD: uh..†

Kevin: is our money safe?†

DD: Well, uh, I think the Lakers are going to win. But I think it will be a good series. I think Lakers in the end will be more muscular, more powerful and they will beat them up in the inside.†

DJ: That's because they have Vlade Divac, the worst basketball player in the
history of the league.†

DD: No, he's not the worst...†

DJ: oh for God's sake, he's terrible†

DD: He's a finesse player.†

DJ: He's a big cry baby.†

DD: Finesse player which isn't going to work against Shaq.†

DJ: That's true. Do you go to a lot of the games, David.†

DD: No, I don't go. I maybe go 2 or 3 times a year. I really enjoy it when I do because the person that takes me has the best seats, so... (laughing)†

DJ: So, you sit on the floor? Oooh†

DD: Yeah.†

DJ: Nice!†

DD: It's great to have a friend like that.†

DJ: Yes, it is. I'd like to meet your friend sometime.†

DJ: So, is it kind of weird for you to be making the rounds talking up the XFiles again?†

DD: A little bit†

DJ: Does it feel weird?†

DD: A little bit, but having done it again, and having gotten over that weirdness of going back on set and doing the character again, it doesn't feel quite as weird.†

DJ: Makes sense, knowing that you had just done it. (laughing)†

DD: If I didn't have any memory of actually having done the show again, I think it would feel very weird. (all laughing)†

DJ: When you left the show, was it always kind of part of the deal either spoken or unspoken, that you would come back for the series finale whenever that might be?†

DD: No, not at all.†

DJ: Not at all? Really.†

DD: No. No. The only thing Chris Carter and I would talk about would be to be part of any movies we would do. I had assumed that at the end of the 7th year that I'd never be on the tv show again. And then again at the end of the 8th year, and I'm assuming again now (all laughing)†

DJ: Probably a bad assumption now that you've done it†(DJ: Was there any temptation to say no when they called and said here's the idea we have about bringing Mulder back for this last episode? Did you think about not doing it?†

DD: Um, no. The only thing that would have gotten in the way would have been scheduling and that worked out fine. So, no, I was still really fond of the show and all the people there so it was a pleasure to come back and wrap it all up. I was flattered that they would have wanted me to be a part of it.†

DJ: Did you help with or have thoughts on how the whole series would wrap up or did you just take the script and run?†

DD: I had thoughts on it, but they weren't very helpful (all laughing).†

DJ: You wanted everyone to die (all laughing) Obliterated.†

DD: In an earlier episode, I think from the 3rd year, it was forecasted that Mulder was going to die from auto-erotic asphyxiation.†

DJ: That's right! You're upset that this didn't happen? (laughing)†

DD: I always thought that was a good way to go for Mulder, but it didn't work out that way.†

DJ: Did you stay in touch with folks when you left, obviously you developed
a lot of friendships over the year?†

DD: yeah†

DJ: And did you continue to watch the show?†

DD: I staid in touch with some people. Occasionally, I would watch the
show. Especially when I first left, I would watch just to see what was going on.†

DJ: Really? Just to say, hey, it's not as good without me on it.†

DD: (Laughing). Well. No. (all laughing) Then of course, my mother would call me and say "God, it's much better without you on it"†

DJ: We've talked a lot about how Robert Patrick, who is a terrific actor, and nicest guy in the world-we've talked about what an impossible job he had to come in on that show. If people hadn't had anything to compare post Duchovny X-Files to, it was a great show.†

DD: I'm glad you got the memo I sent out to you, so that you could read it, just the way I wrote it. Word for Word. (all laughing)†

DJ: Now, there will be another movie, though, right? That's the plan for next year, or something?†

DD: That's what I'm told. I'm not involved in the script process there, either, but apparently Chris and Frank Spotnitz are trying to get another movie together. I'd love to do it. I hope people would like to see it.†

DJ: Is Frank the guy who wrote and directed the Brady Bunch episode?†

DD: No, that was Vince Gilligan†

DJ: Vince Gilligan?†

DD: Yeah†

DJ: Yeah, that was F'd up.†

DD: (laughing) F'd up in a good way, or?†

DJ: Oh, absolutely†

DD: So, you liked it?†

DJ: yeah,†

DD: Are you a big Brady Bunch fan?†

DJ: Well, not really, but I liked that show. It was insane that they were able to pull off a show where he could recreate the Brady Bunch around him just because he was lonely.†

DD: Right.†

DJ: You've got wonder where an idea like that one comes from. Now, you recently wrote and directed one, didn't you?†

DD: No. I just directed it. Yeah.†

DJ: How did that come about?†

DD: Well, before I was going to come back for the final 2, Chris Carter called me and said "do you want to write and direct one". And I said "sure, if I get an idea". And then I just started trying to have an idea which usually consists of drinking a lot of coffee, just thinking really hard, turning red faced, sort of pressing...†

DJ: And the ideas weren't flooding?†

DD: Well, I did get an idea which was Mulder was going to come back in disguise to check on Scully. The only thing standing in that way was where was Mulder going to find a Hollywood make-up man to .... Where did Mulder find the .... Unless we use the batman mask...I had this Cyrano story where he was going to be deformed, but how had he done that to himself...†

DJ: Well, who is to say what happened after he left. You could make that up†

DD: (laughing) right, Mulder has been having an affair with a Hollywood
makeup ..†

DJ: Right, who then burned him and deformed him... (all laughing)†

DD: who is really good with latex...†

DJ: and did you keep this to yourself?†

DD: No, we all liked the idea, we were going to go with this, but then um.. it came about that I was going to be in the last two right around that time, so obviously, I couldn't come back before I came back (all laughing)†

DJ: Right. Exactly. Timing of that is difficult†

DD: He just likes wearing make-up that Mulder.†

DJ: Well, we remember you on that one where you played that female on that

DD: Twin Peaks.†

DJ: Where you played a guy and a girl. That was strong.†

DD: Thanks. Thanks for remembering that one.†

Dj: What do you suppose will happen to Chris Carter when he decom... I guess he's done, you filmed this thing obviously, he's decompressing. Here's this guy who has worked as hard as anyone in America for the last 10 years. Is he just going to veg out, where we wont see him for 2 years, or is he the kind of guy who will jump right back into something else.†

DD: I see you got the memo from Chris, too.†

(all laughing)†

DJ: Well, we are told to read them†

DD: The fax machine works on the island where you are orbiting. (laughing). I think Chris is decompressing. I think that's a perfect way to put it. I think, uh, when he comes up for air, as they say, we'll see. When something ends, it doesn't end you. Chris is obviously is a talented guy and his talent will continue.†

DJ: But how nice would it be not to have to come up with ...I mean, even though it was his passion, to not have to come up with another storyline that makes sense, that everybody buys, blah blah blah. That's got to be a lot of pressure.†

DD: Yeah.†

DJ: How about you, before we take a break, we have David Duchovny in the studio we're going to spend some more time with him-How about you when you walked off, after filming the last show, whenever it was, did you take a bunch of time off or did you jump right back in?†

DD: The second time I left the show which would have been at the end of last year, I took a good few months off.†

DJ: Oh, that's nice!†

DD: It was great. I have a young daughter, and things I want to write, so it was great to stay home.†

DJ: Didn't you have just one day where you just went "damn"?†

DD: Damn, what?†

DJ: Just, I shouldn't have left... and then just fall down and start crying?

DD: Well, as you guys both know, you get into a routine, into a pattern and like going to work, and even though the work is hard and exhausting, it's easier than trying to make up your own schedule and your own life in many ways. So there was that time, sort of like graduating school where I went "how do I fill my days"†

DJ: Did you drive your wife crazy?†

DD: Uh...†

DJ: where she went "you need to go back on that show"?†

DD: She was wonderful. She was always happy to have me around. I just wasn't always a happy person to be around sometimes.†

DJ: Well, that's a wonderful family story (all laughing)†

David Duchovny. We're going to take a quick break and come back with more on the world famous KROQ.†

(playing Kelly Osbourne's Pappa Don't Preach version)†

DD: Do you suppose she's singing to Ozzy? Is he the Pappa?†

DJ: I would imagine, yeah†

DD: I can't imagine Ozzy preaching to her.†

DJ: Didn't you hear him trying to tell her not to... don't do drugs, don't do...†

DD: oh, yeah†

DJ: That was the funniest thing on the Osbournes is hearing him trying to control his children... By the way, the new voice in the studio is an up and coming young talent named David Duchovny. We think you are going to be hearing a lot about this kid. (David laughing). He's got a brand new show on Sunday night. We're hoping for good things in the future. We predict that it's going to be a big smash, so check it out (all laughing). Hey before we had to break we mentioned your lovely wife. And I remember when we talked to you the last summer when you were calling to talk to us about Evolution, we told you how hot we were for Tea, and she's just gorgeous.†

DD: Yeah.†

DJ: Man, how great is she in the Woody Allen movie?†

DD: She's fantastic.†

DJ: She steals the movie. That's what I told Kevin when I got back. She is so fantastic in this movie. How could it not creep her out with him being 80 and all†

DD: He's not 80†

DJ: He really is.. he's got to be close to 80, he's got to be at least in his 70s.†

DD: He's 80 like I'm almost 80.†

DJ: But isn't it creepy. On the outside, Woody Allen once again in a movie with chics half or a third of his age who are way too young to ever look at him as other than a grandfatherly figure. Yet, he's got Tiffany Amber Thiessen taking her clothes off for him. Was it at all creepy?†

DD: Well, uh.. no. I think you are asking two different questions (laughing)†

DJ: a) was it creepy? B) was it creepy for her?†

DD: a) I can't answer the creepy thing. I wont address the creepy thing. And B) was it creepy for her? No, because, and this is going to sound like bull, but when you are acting, and when you are doing any kind of love scene, and this was the most innocent of love scenes, this was just a little kiss, it's the job. It's not... you aren't thinking about kissing the man. And Tea was not... she was very happy to kiss him. Tea is infatuated with his talent.†

DJ: You weren't worried that she was going to leave you for him at any point?†

DD: No. I don't think that was a ... But not for the reasons you were implying (all laughing)†

DJ: yeah, because in Woody's mind, Tea is too old for him when you think about it. But you get the impression that he's casting these actors... I mean, he's the same age as Judi Dench, David. He's casting these women because he wants to get them in his claws is the way it looks to us on the outside.†

DD: But if that were true, he'd be writing these movies where he'd actually end up in bed with them and Hollywood Ending is very chaste, sweet, sentimental movie.†

DJ: He knows we wont stand for that, that's why (all laughing) Now you are very close to having another baby around the house. Is that the story?†

DD: Yeah, yeah, yeah†

DJ: How do you feel?†

DD: Nervous. You know, it's probably about 3 weeks away, and we are just getting ready.†

DJ: David was telling us a very smart plan which is just after the baby is born, he's got to go to work a lot. (all laughing). Like for a year.†

DD: (laughing): Aw damn, I'd like to.... I just can't change that diaper.†

DJ: Love to stay up with you all night, but I've got to go do this thing...†

DD: got to work†

DJ: Honey, if I knew when the baby was coming, I would have planned for it. I didn't even realize... this is so out of the blue. (laughing). Are you Mr. Mom a little bit at home?†

DD: A little bit just because it's fair. But...†

DJ: but you are the guy, you don't have to be fair†

DD: Is that right?†

Lisa: No, that's not right! You are listening to Bean who has been married like a 1,000 times.†

DJ: You are taking advice from someone who has been married 12 times.†

DD: I don't mind it. I'm not the best diaper changer. I think the thing I do, is something a lot of men do, is that they show how bad they are at doing these things and the woman just takes over for them.†

DJ: Because the woman can't stand to see you do it so poorly.†

DD: If it takes you an hour to change a diaper†

DJ: Oh, I'll just do it myself†

DD: and you are smearing feces all over the back of your newborn child then my wife is going to jump in. (all laughing) I certainly don't do it on purpose, but I don't have enough practice to... She's like pft pft pft it's like a Hong Kong movie with her. It's like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Diaper. (all laughing)†

DJ: And she complains because you will not breast feed, is that right?†

DD: I wont breast feed my own children.†

DJ: ooh that's ugly. We need to take another break... awwwww Kevin, you are
a bad man!†

DD: quick†

DJ: Can you stick around for one more?†

DD: I'll stick around, but we've got to start plugging.†

DJ: We've got to start plugging, and if you've got questions for Dave... I mean we haven't even started talking about the XFiles yet.†

DD: Xfiles, Full Frontal or Two on Two. We've got to talk!†

DJ: Alright, you can stick around all day as far as I'm concerned.†

DD: No, I can't do that. (all laughing).†

(Glick tape playing in the background)†

DJ: Dave Duchovny with Jimney Glick, one of our favorite shows on Comedy Central. Now we have a lot of stuff that we need to plug before he's got to go.†

DD: (chanting) plug, plug, plug, plug, plug.†

DJ: Now, let's start with the XFiles. Because obviously, when you have a series finale, the big question is how many questions are we going to answer. Are we going to wrap up some loose ends or are you leaving some doors open for the movie? What's the story, David?†

DD: I think in the classic XFiles fashion, we answer.. It's a two hour episode. It starts at 8 o'clock this Sunday.†

DJ: oh, right, different time.†

DD: Right, so if you are an XFiles fanatic you will have to re-arrange your schedule an hour earlier. And um.. in true XFiles fashion, we answer a lot of questions in the first hour and then we start opening it up (all laughing) in the second hour.†

DJ: That just gets us ready for the movie, right? We can just sit around and wait for the movie.†

DD: Right.†

DJ: Will Mulder find his sister?†

DD: I've found my sister 7 or 8 times haven't I?†

DJ: But are you going to bring her into court with you and say "Look!"†

DD: My sister is a stripper in Covina. (all laughing).†

DJ: Oh that's sad. Are some of the questions you answer the core questions?†

DD: Yes! I believe they are†

DJ: So, the guy, the human hybrid running around with the green blood, we
find out all about that?†

DD: You find out a little bit about who has been in cohoots with who, who is a hybrid, who is a full alien. You'll have a score card so you can play along at home. It is a courtroom drama. And there will be a lot of testimony and flashbacks, that kind of thing.†

DJ: Do we find out about the baby? Whether or not it's Mulder and Scully's baby as it has been suggested?†

DD: I'm not sure.. well, yeah... we don't really address who is the father of the baby, but there is some physical contact between Mulder and Scully in this episode.†

DJ: Is that right?†

DD: More than you are used to seeing.†

DJ: oooh, is that good?†

DD: Yeah! I think it's good (his voice gets very low). I think it's right.†

DJ: Ok. Anything else that we don't know about that we should ask? Some
surprises coming that we can't see?†

DD: I hope there are. And I wouldn't answer...†

DJ: I guess that's the idea.†

DD: I think it's a surprising show. I think it's a very big show. It will look like a movie. We took longer to shoot it than we would any other episode, and it's just going out with a bang.†

DJ: So you are in a courtroom, you are on trial for murder?†

DD: Apparently, I killed a man†

DJ: And uh.. then we see a bunch of flashbacks... does it catch you up on everything?†

DD: Well, the idea is that if you are not a fanatic about the show†

DJ: if you haven't followed all the storylines...†

DD: that you'll be able to follow this and if you are a fanatic, it will be like a little stroll down memory lane.†

DJ: And one by one they vote each the characters off the show? And Rosie interviews you at the end? No no.. that's survivor.†

DD: That's exactly it.†

DJ: Well you should be, I know you are I've heard you say this before, that the XFiles is considered, I guess the TV Guide put it as #37 among television shows of all time.†

DD: Happy to be #37. I said that from the beginning.†

DJ: You are behind the Defenders, behind the American Family, behind Playhouse 90. Well, you are behind a lot of shows... (laughing)†

DD: Yeah†

DJ: #37 is pretty good when you think of how many shows have been on†

DD: over 100 (laughing)†

DJ: well over 100. Let's talk about movies, which is your passion now. You are in this Soderbergh movie, that is coming out this year?†

DD: Yeah, Full Frontal, it's coming out in August.†

DJ: In TV Guide, your quote is "I'm apparently more naked than I thought. I don't think anybody in this is full frontal, but if anybody is, it's probably me"†

DD: well, yeah, we've all had that experience haven't we? When you are more naked than you think you are.†

DJ: For folks who haven't heard anything about it, tell people why it's different from any other movie they will go see in the theater this year.†

DD: Um..well, just in terms of shooting it, it's not done like a classic Hollywood film. There's not a lot of close-ups. There are no close-ups. It's all done in oners which means every scene that you see, that's the only take that was shot of that scene.†

DJ: so, what if its bad do they just leave it in there?†

DD: No, we kept on going until we got a good one (all laughing) We didn't get just one shot at it. But once Steven got a shot that he liked then that's the shot that is going to be in the movie. So, it's going to have a certain flow that you are not... that you are not accustomed to, in the movie.†

DJ: It's the lowest budget big movie of all time, right? There are no make-up people, it's just him with a hand held, right?†

DD: Steven with a hand held. It sounds like... (whining) when an actor says "I had to drive myself" (laughing). I had to do my own hair which was a disaster.†

DJ: How expensive can hair people be? That's not a big expense†

DD: I don't know. I think it was just part of the point, that we were just going to show up, take care of your own food...†

DJ: And you wore your own clothes in the movie?†

DD: I did not wear my own clothes in the movie†

DJ: (all laughing) as it turns out.†

DD: You have to figure out your own wardrobe and show up with your wardrobe.†

DJ: So, it's just you and Julia and Steven and that's it?†

DD: No, I didn't work with Julia. No, I worked with Cathrine Kennan and Mary McCormick.†

DJ: Oh wow, great cast. Now why does a guy like Soderbergh, who gets all the Oscars and can get any budget he wants... what is his point about making this kind of movie?†

DD: I assume he's getting back to his roots in a way. He's getting back to what attracted him in the first place, which is not huge budgets and long schedules, but the joy of filming a story that you like to film.†

DJ: Did it go a lot quicker than filming most movies?†

DD: Oh, god, it took like 3 weeks.†

DJ: Really? Did you like that?†

DD: I love it. Depends on whether or not people want to see that. It's not going to look like Ocean's 11. It's going to look like Full Frontal.†

DJ: Which is should because it is Full Frontal.†

DD: I hope it looks like Full Frontal†

DJ: Tell me about Two on Two.

DD: Two on Two is a basketball reality show that I have going on TNN

DJ: Iím sorry, I thought you said a basketball reality show.

DD: I did! (laughing) Itís 2 guys.. uh.. 4 guysÖ two teams of two, a black guy and a white guy and they start on opposite ends of the continent.

DJ: Oh, so at least itís fair on both sides. (all laughing). Because you donít want to load up one team with two black guys and have two white guys play them. Thatís outrageous.

DD: Well, then uh.. they travel across country getting into pick-up basketball games. And they have to make $100 in each state before they can move on. They have to make it through people they meet on the court. (all laughing) doing odd jobs, mow lawns, whatever. They have to make connections on the court, legal connections, and then get to Chicago as fast as they can.

DJ: They are racing?

DD: They are racing, thatís what sets it in motion, but really what the show is about Ö Iíve played basketball my whole life, and you meet the strangest people playing on the city courts.

DJ: Did you come up with this idea?

DD: Yeah, I did. We havenít cast it yet. So, we are going to have this nationwide hunt for 2 black guys and 2 white guys, which we think we are going to be able to find (all laughing)

DJ: That can play basketball? Probably.

DD: Right now, if you go to, this is going to be on TNN, I donít think weíre set up yet, but maybe youíll get some information on how to send your tape in of you playing ball and you being charming and charismatic.

DJ: That is freakiní sketchy there David

DD: or you can just send it to my house.

DJ: (laughing) I think thereís a website, I think there might be something on there about it.

DD: I told ya, Iíve never been online. I donít know how it all works.

DJ: David Duchovny, has never been online.

DD: No.

Lisa: Thatís stunning

DJ: And has never used email. You are one of the smartest peoples Iíve ever met.

DD: Peoples?

DJ: Peoples (laughing) Doesnít take much to be smart to Kevin. Yeah, but Iím just saying, never been online? Are you avoiding it on purpose?

DD: I think part of it is laziness, part of it is fear of technology and part of it is that Iím just stuck in my ways.

DJ: But Iíd be willing to bet that you have a TIVO, right?

DD: I had, but I gave it back because I couldnít figure it out.

DJ: (laughing) awww Dave.

Lisa: Heís got a blank spot.

DD: We like watching bad television. We donít like watching good television

DJ: But you can tape bad television

DD: No! But thatís horrible. Youíre not going to tape bad television

DJ: Of course

DD: I could watchÖ I could sit in front of the tv and watch Blind Date, but if I taped Blind Date

DJ: lame

DD: What kind of person would I be?

Lisa: Thatís just wrong

DJ: Forget for a minute that you are a smart guy and that you are Dave Duchovny, internationally known television and movie star (and rapper). (David laughing). Most people in your age group, in 2002, have gone ahead and broken down and gotten themselves a computer and they are using itÖ

DD: I have a computer.

DJ: That doesnít count.

Lisa: But he doesnít know how to use it.

DD: I use it as a typewriter without Ö

DJ: Wordprocessor

DD: Without having to use white out. So, I can re-write what Iíve written

DJ: This technology, Dave, I want you to mark my words, this technology is here to stay. Itís not a fad. Itís not going away.

DD: One of the things that makes me really want to learn, is that we take home movies of my daughter. Iíd love to edit them together.

DJ: Oh, Iíve got the perfect thing for you. Iíll tell you off the air.

DD: So, Iím on the cusp of this revolution.

DJ: Your poor kids are going to grow up and go ďI donít know, my dadís AmishĒ. (all laughing).

DD: Can you tell me something about something else Iíve heard about? This.. rap music they call it?

DJ: Sure.

DD: Is this going to be a big thing?

DJ: No, no. Itís fading. Flash in the pan.

DD: So, I donít need to get into that?

DJ: You should. Because I think you would be a good rapper. It would help you meet some of the black guys for your tv show (all laughing).

DJs: When is it going to air?

DD: I guess whenever weíre done.

DJs: Don't take Miami Vice's place. Miami Vice has reruns playing from 3-4
on TNN.†

DD: We'll try not to.†

DJ: By the way, this is a total scam. I don't know if you can see through
this, but David Duchovny has figured out how to leave the family and go
across the country playing basketball.†

DD: No no no, I wont be there. I'm going to a producer, which means I sit at home.†

DJ: and just cash checks and visit the set?†

DD: No, there is no set. It's a wherever, traveling set. No, I'll watch dailies. I'll look at all the footage. I'll sit through hours and hours of footage to get the great stuff.†

DJ: Gotcha. Are we saying goodbye to David? Because we are wayyyyy late.
Dave, you have been on the show many, many times and we always enjoy it.†

DD: Always a pleasure.†

DJ: XFiles, Sunday Night. 8 o'clock it's the big 2 hour series finale. Seriously, good luck with the new baby on the way†

DD: Thank you.†

DJ: Wish you all the joy in the world on that. Go ahead and sign up for the internet, I think you'll like it†

David (laughing)†

DJ: And hope to see you again soon.†

DD: I'll give you a report on the internet when I come back.

Interview from KROQ Radio, transcribed by C, MP3's courtesy of Keeger.
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