DuchovnyNet is a fan run website and is not affiliated with Mr. Duchovny in any way. "The X-Files" TM and © (or copyright) Fox and its related entities.
Kevin and Bean Transcript 2002
Listen to this entire interview as MP3 files: part 1, 4.1 Mb, part 2, 2.4 Mb and part 3, 5.4 Mb.
+ Home +
About DuchovnyNet +
It's the Kevin and Bean show. As we mentioned the two hour series finale
of the X-Files is going to be this Sunday at 8 o'clock on Fox. You know I
was thinking about our friend Dave. I could star in a series if I could take
two years off at a time.
Bean: How hard is that?
DD: Well, if
could have taped the show and moved to another state, I would have done that
Kevin: David was fascinated by the fact that Bean is working
out of his house. He's been doing that 3 years full time now
Bean: It's the best deal.
Bean: Now thanks a lot for coming in, first of all. Kevin
said he ran into you at the Lakers game the other
DD: Yeah, yeah.
Bean: And uh, I want to
know how you feel about Lakers/Sacramento this weekend. We have a $500 bet
with Miss Tyra Banks. She's going with Sacramento because, you know, she's
dating Chris Webber. And we, of course, are going with the
Kevin: is our money
DD: Well, uh, I think the Lakers are going to
win. But I think it will be a good series. I think Lakers in the end will be
more muscular, more powerful and they will beat them up in the
DJ: That's because they have Vlade Divac, the worst basketball
player in the
history of the league.
DD: No, he's
not the worst...
DJ: oh for God's sake, he's
DD: He's a finesse player.
DJ: He's a
big cry baby.
DD: Finesse player which isn't going to
work against Shaq.
DJ: That's true. Do you go to a lot of the games,
DD: No, I don't go. I maybe go 2 or 3 times a
year. I really enjoy it when I do because the person that takes me has the
best seats, so... (laughing)
DJ: So, you sit on the floor?
DD: It's great to have a friend like
DJ: Yes, it is. I'd like to meet your friend sometime.
So, is it kind of weird for you to be making the rounds talking up the XFiles
DD: A little bit
DJ: Does it feel
DD: A little bit, but having done it again, and
having gotten over that weirdness of going back on set and doing the
character again, it doesn't feel quite as weird.
DJ: Makes sense,
knowing that you had just done it. (laughing)
DD: If I
didn't have any memory of actually having done the show again, I think it
would feel very weird. (all laughing)
DJ: When you left the show, was it
always kind of part of the deal either spoken or unspoken, that you would
come back for the series finale whenever that might
DD: No, not at all.
DJ: Not at all?
DD: No. No. The only thing Chris Carter and I
would talk about would be to be part of any movies we would do. I had assumed
that at the end of the 7th year that I'd never be on the tv show again. And
then again at the end of the 8th year, and I'm assuming again now (all
DJ: Probably a bad assumption now that you've done it (DJ:
Was there any temptation to say no when they called and said here's the idea
we have about bringing Mulder back for this last episode? Did you think about
not doing it?
DD: Um, no. The only thing that would
have gotten in the way would have been scheduling and that worked out fine.
So, no, I was still really fond of the show and all the people there so it
was a pleasure to come back and wrap it all up. I was flattered that they
would have wanted me to be a part of it.
DJ: Did you help with or
have thoughts on how the whole series would wrap up or did you just take the
script and run?
DD: I had thoughts on it, but they
weren't very helpful (all laughing).
DJ: You wanted everyone to die (all
DD: In an earlier episode, I
think from the 3rd year, it was forecasted that Mulder was going to die from
DJ: That's right! You're upset that this
didn't happen? (laughing)
DD: I always thought that was
a good way to go for Mulder, but it didn't work out that way.
you stay in touch with folks when you left, obviously you developed
a lot of
friendships over the year?
DJ: And did
you continue to watch the show?
DD: I staid in touch
with some people. Occasionally, I would watch the
show. Especially when I
first left, I would watch just to see what was going on.
Just to say, hey, it's not as good without me on
DD: (Laughing). Well. No. (all laughing) Then of
course, my mother would call me and say "God, it's much better without you on
DJ: We've talked a lot about how Robert Patrick, who is a terrific
actor, and nicest guy in the world-we've talked about what an impossible job
he had to come in on that show. If people hadn't had anything to compare
post Duchovny X-Files to, it was a great show.
I'm glad you got the memo I sent out to you, so that you could read it, just
the way I wrote it. Word for Word. (all laughing)
DJ: Now, there will be
another movie, though, right? That's the plan for next year, or
DD: That's what I'm told. I'm not involved
in the script process there, either, but apparently Chris and Frank Spotnitz
are trying to get another movie together. I'd love to do it. I hope people
would like to see it.
DJ: Is Frank the guy who wrote and
directed the Brady Bunch episode?
DD: No, that was
DJ: Vince Gilligan?
DJ: Yeah, that was F'd up.
F'd up in a good way, or?
DD: So, you liked it?
DD: Are you a big Brady Bunch fan?
Well, not really, but I liked that show. It was insane that they were able to
pull off a show where he could recreate the Brady Bunch around him just
because he was lonely.
got wonder where an idea like that one comes from. Now, you recently wrote
and directed one, didn't you?
DD: No. I just directed
DJ: How did that come about?
Well, before I was going to come back for the final 2, Chris Carter called me
and said "do you want to write and direct one". And I said "sure, if I get an
idea". And then I just started trying to have an idea which usually consists
of drinking a lot of coffee, just thinking really hard, turning red faced,
sort of pressing...
DJ: And the ideas weren't
DD: Well, I did get an idea which was Mulder
was going to come back in disguise to check on Scully. The only thing
standing in that way was where was Mulder going to find a Hollywood make-up
man to .... Where did Mulder find the .... Unless we use the batman mask...I
had this Cyrano story where he was going to be deformed, but how had he done
that to himself...
DJ: Well, who is to say what happened after he left.
You could make that up
DD: (laughing) right, Mulder has
been having an affair with a Hollywood
DJ: Right, who then
burned him and deformed him... (all laughing)
is really good with latex...
DJ: and did you keep this to
DD: No, we all liked the idea, we were going
to go with this, but then um.. it came about that I was going to be in the
last two right around that time, so obviously, I couldn't come back before I
came back (all laughing)
DJ: Right. Exactly. Timing of that is
DD: He just likes wearing make-up that
DJ: Well, we remember you on that one where you played that
female on that
DD: Twin Peaks.
Where you played a guy and a girl. That was strong.
Thanks. Thanks for remembering that one.
Dj: What do you suppose will
happen to Chris Carter when he decom... I guess he's done, you filmed this
thing obviously, he's decompressing. Here's this guy who has worked as hard
as anyone in America for the last 10 years. Is he just going to veg out,
where we wont see him for 2 years, or is he the kind of guy who will jump
right back into something else.
DD: I see you got the
memo from Chris, too.
DJ: Well, we are told to
DD: The fax machine works on the island where
you are orbiting. (laughing). I think Chris is decompressing. I think that's
a perfect way to put it. I think, uh, when he comes up for air, as they say,
we'll see. When something ends, it doesn't end you. Chris is obviously is a
talented guy and his talent will continue.
DJ: But how nice would it
be not to have to come up with ...I mean, even though it was his passion, to
not have to come up with another storyline that makes sense, that everybody
buys, blah blah blah. That's got to be a lot of
DJ: How about you, before
we take a break, we have David Duchovny in the studio we're going to spend
some more time with him-How about you when you walked off, after filming the
last show, whenever it was, did you take a bunch of time off or did you jump
right back in?
DD: The second time I left the show
which would have been at the end of last year, I took a good few months
DJ: Oh, that's nice!
DD: It was great. I
have a young daughter, and things I want to write, so it was great to stay
DJ: Didn't you have just one day where you just went
DD: Damn, what?
DJ: Just, I shouldn't
have left... and then just fall down and start
DD: Well, as you guys both know, you get
into a routine, into a pattern and like going to work, and even though the
work is hard and exhausting, it's easier than trying to make up your own
schedule and your own life in many ways. So there was that time, sort of like
graduating school where I went "how do I fill my days"
DJ: Did you
drive your wife crazy?
DJ: where she
went "you need to go back on that show"?
DD: She was
wonderful. She was always happy to have me around. I just wasn't always a
happy person to be around sometimes.
DJ: Well, that's a wonderful family
story (all laughing)
David Duchovny. We're going to take a quick break
and come back with more on the world famous KROQ.
Kelly Osbourne's Pappa Don't Preach version)
DD: Do you
suppose she's singing to Ozzy? Is he the Pappa?
DJ: I would imagine,
DD: I can't imagine Ozzy preaching to
DJ: Didn't you hear him trying to tell her not to... don't do
drugs, don't do...
DD: oh, yeah
DJ: That was
the funniest thing on the Osbournes is hearing him trying to control his
children... By the way, the new voice in the studio is an up and coming young
talent named David Duchovny. We think you are going to be hearing a lot about
this kid. (David laughing). He's got a brand new show on Sunday night. We're
hoping for good things in the future. We predict that it's going to be a big
smash, so check it out (all laughing). Hey before we had to break we
mentioned your lovely wife. And I remember when we talked to you the last
summer when you were calling to talk to us about Evolution, we told you how
hot we were for Tea, and she's just gorgeous.
DJ: Man, how great is she in the Woody Allen
DD: She's fantastic.
DJ: She steals the
movie. That's what I told Kevin when I got back. She is so fantastic in this
movie. How could it not creep her out with him being 80 and
DD: He's not 80
DJ: He really is.. he's got
to be close to 80, he's got to be at least in his
DD: He's 80 like I'm almost 80.
isn't it creepy. On the outside, Woody Allen once again in a movie with chics
half or a third of his age who are way too young to ever look at him as other
than a grandfatherly figure. Yet, he's got Tiffany Amber Thiessen taking her
clothes off for him. Was it at all creepy?
uh.. no. I think you are asking two different
DJ: a) was it creepy? B) was it creepy for
DD: a) I can't answer the creepy thing. I wont
address the creepy thing. And B) was it creepy for her? No, because, and this
is going to sound like bull, but when you are acting, and when you are doing
any kind of love scene, and this was the most innocent of love scenes, this
was just a little kiss, it's the job. It's not... you aren't thinking about
kissing the man. And Tea was not... she was very happy to kiss him. Tea is
infatuated with his talent.
DJ: You weren't worried that she was
going to leave you for him at any point?
DD: No. I
don't think that was a ... But not for the reasons you were implying (all
DJ: yeah, because in Woody's mind, Tea is too old for him when
you think about it. But you get the impression that he's casting these
actors... I mean, he's the same age as Judi Dench, David. He's casting these
women because he wants to get them in his claws is the way it looks to us on
DD: But if that were true, he'd be
writing these movies where he'd actually end up in bed with them and
Hollywood Ending is very chaste, sweet, sentimental movie.
knows we wont stand for that, that's why (all laughing) Now you are very
close to having another baby around the house. Is that the
DD: Yeah, yeah, yeah
DJ: How do you
DD: Nervous. You know, it's probably about 3
weeks away, and we are just getting ready.
DJ: David was telling us a
very smart plan which is just after the baby is born, he's got to go to work
a lot. (all laughing). Like for a year.
DD: (laughing): Aw damn, I'd
like to.... I just can't change that diaper.
DJ: Love to stay up with
you all night, but I've got to go do this thing...
got to work
DJ: Honey, if I knew when the baby was coming, I would have
planned for it. I didn't even realize... this is so out of the blue.
(laughing). Are you Mr. Mom a little bit at
DD: A little bit just because it's fair.
DJ: but you are the guy, you don't have to be
DD: Is that right?
Lisa: No, that's not
right! You are listening to Bean who has been married like a 1,000
DJ: You are taking advice from someone who has been married 12
DD: I don't mind it. I'm not the best diaper
changer. I think the thing I do, is something a lot of men do, is that they
show how bad they are at doing these things and the woman just takes over for
DJ: Because the woman can't stand to see you do it so
DD: If it takes you an hour to change a
DJ: Oh, I'll just do it myself
you are smearing feces all over the back of your newborn child then my wife
is going to jump in. (all laughing) I certainly don't do it on purpose, but I
don't have enough practice to... She's like pft pft pft it's like a Hong Kong
movie with her. It's like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Diaper. (all
DJ: And she complains because you will not breast feed, is
DD: I wont breast feed my own
DJ: ooh that's ugly. We need to take another break... awwwww
Kevin, you are
a bad man!
you stick around for one more?
DD: I'll stick around,
but we've got to start plugging.
DJ: We've got to start plugging, and if
you've got questions for Dave... I mean we haven't even started talking about
the XFiles yet.
DD: Xfiles, Full Frontal or Two on Two.
We've got to talk!
DJ: Alright, you can stick around all day as far as
DD: No, I can't do that. (all
(Glick tape playing in the background)
Dave Duchovny with Jimney Glick, one of our favorite shows on Comedy Central.
Now we have a lot of stuff that we need to plug before he's got
DD: (chanting) plug, plug, plug, plug,
DJ: Now, let's start with the XFiles. Because obviously, when you
have a series finale, the big question is how many questions are we going
to answer. Are we going to wrap up some loose ends or are you leaving
some doors open for the movie? What's the story,
DD: I think in the classic XFiles fashion, we
answer.. It's a two hour episode. It starts at 8 o'clock this
DJ: oh, right, different time.
Right, so if you are an XFiles fanatic you will have to re-arrange your
schedule an hour earlier. And um.. in true XFiles fashion, we answer a lot of
questions in the first hour and then we start opening it up (all laughing) in
the second hour.
DJ: That just gets us ready for the movie, right? We
can just sit around and wait for the movie.
DJ: Will Mulder find his sister?
I've found my sister 7 or 8 times haven't I?
DJ: But are you going to
bring her into court with you and say "Look!"
sister is a stripper in Covina. (all laughing).
DJ: Oh that's sad. Are
some of the questions you answer the core
DD: Yes! I believe they are
the guy, the human hybrid running around with the green blood, we
all about that?
DD: You find out a little bit about who
has been in cohoots with who, who is a hybrid, who is a full alien. You'll
have a score card so you can play along at home. It is a courtroom drama. And
there will be a lot of testimony and flashbacks, that kind of
DJ: Do we find out about the baby? Whether or not it's Mulder and
Scully's baby as it has been suggested?
DD: I'm not
sure.. well, yeah... we don't really address who is the father of the baby,
but there is some physical contact between Mulder and Scully in this
DJ: Is that right?
DD: More than you
are used to seeing.
DJ: oooh, is that good?
Yeah! I think it's good (his voice gets very low). I think
DJ: Ok. Anything else that we don't know about that we
should ask? Some
surprises coming that we can't
DD: I hope there are. And I wouldn't
DJ: I guess that's the idea.
think it's a surprising show. I think it's a very big show. It will look like
a movie. We took longer to shoot it than we would any other episode, and it's
just going out with a bang.
DJ: So you are in a courtroom, you are on
trial for murder?
DD: Apparently, I killed a
DJ: And uh.. then we see a bunch of flashbacks... does it catch you
up on everything?
DD: Well, the idea is that if you
are not a fanatic about the show
DJ: if you haven't followed all the
DD: that you'll be able to follow this
and if you are a fanatic, it will be like a little stroll down memory
DJ: And one by one they vote each the characters off the show? And
Rosie interviews you at the end? No no.. that's
DD: That's exactly it.
DJ: Well you
should be, I know you are I've heard you say this before, that the XFiles is
considered, I guess the TV Guide put it as #37 among television shows of all
DD: Happy to be #37. I said that from the
DJ: You are behind the Defenders, behind the American Family,
behind Playhouse 90. Well, you are behind a lot of shows...
DJ: #37 is pretty good when
you think of how many shows have been on
DD: over 100
DJ: well over 100. Let's talk about movies, which is your
passion now. You are in this Soderbergh movie, that is coming out this
DD: Yeah, Full Frontal, it's coming out in
DJ: In TV Guide, your quote is "I'm apparently more naked than I
thought. I don't think anybody in this is full frontal, but if anybody is,
it's probably me"
DD: well, yeah, we've all had that
experience haven't we? When you are more naked than you think you
DJ: For folks who haven't heard anything about it, tell people why
it's different from any other movie they will go see in the theater this
DD: Um..well, just in terms of shooting it, it's
not done like a classic Hollywood film. There's not a lot of close-ups. There
are no close-ups. It's all done in oners which means every scene that you
see, that's the only take that was shot of that scene.
DJ: so, what
if its bad do they just leave it in there?
DD: No, we
kept on going until we got a good one (all laughing) We didn't get just one
shot at it. But once Steven got a shot that he liked then that's the shot
that is going to be in the movie. So, it's going to have a certain flow that
you are not... that you are not accustomed to, in the movie.
the lowest budget big movie of all time, right? There are no make-up people,
it's just him with a hand held, right?
DD: Steven with
a hand held. It sounds like... (whining) when an actor says "I had to drive
myself" (laughing). I had to do my own hair which was a disaster.
How expensive can hair people be? That's not a big
DD: I don't know. I think it was just part of
the point, that we were just going to show up, take care of your own
DJ: And you wore your own clothes in the
DD: I did not wear my own clothes in the
DJ: (all laughing) as it turns out.
You have to figure out your own wardrobe and show up with
DJ: So, it's just you and Julia and Steven and that's
DD: No, I didn't work with Julia. No, I worked with
Cathrine Kennan and Mary McCormick.
DJ: Oh wow, great cast. Now why
does a guy like Soderbergh, who gets all the Oscars and can get any budget he
wants... what is his point about making this kind of
DD: I assume he's getting back to his roots in a
way. He's getting back to what attracted him in the first place, which is not
huge budgets and long schedules, but the joy of filming a story that you like
DJ: Did it go a lot quicker than filming most
DD: Oh, god, it took like 3 weeks.
Really? Did you like that?
DD: I love it. Depends on
whether or not people want to see that. It's not going to look like Ocean's
11. It's going to look like Full Frontal.
DJ: Which is should because it
is Full Frontal.
DD: I hope it looks like Full
DJ: Tell me about Two on Two.
DD: Two on Two is a basketball reality show that I have going on TNN
DJ: I’m sorry, I thought you said a basketball reality show.
DD: I did! (laughing) It’s 2 guys.. uh.. 4 guys… two teams of two, a black guy and a white guy and they start on opposite ends of the continent.
DJ: Oh, so at least it’s fair on both sides. (all laughing). Because you don’t want to load up one team with two black guys and have two white guys play them. That’s outrageous.
DD: Well, then uh.. they travel across country getting into pick-up basketball games. And they have to make $100 in each state before they can move on. They have to make it through people they meet on the court. (all laughing) doing odd jobs, mow lawns, whatever. They have to make connections on the court, legal connections, and then get to Chicago as fast as they can.
DJ: They are racing?
DD: They are racing, that’s what sets it in motion, but really what the show is about … I’ve played basketball my whole life, and you meet the strangest people playing on the city courts.
DJ: Did you come up with this idea?
DD: Yeah, I did. We haven’t cast it yet. So, we are going to have this nationwide hunt for 2 black guys and 2 white guys, which we think we are going to be able to find (all laughing)
DJ: That can play basketball? Probably.
DD: Right now, if you go to www.tnnonline.com, this is going to be on TNN, I don’t think we’re set up yet, but maybe you’ll get some information on how to send your tape in of you playing ball and you being charming and charismatic.
DJ: That is freakin’ sketchy there David
DD: or you can just send it to my house.
DJ: (laughing) I think there’s a website, I think there might be something on there about it.
DD: I told ya, I’ve never been online. I don’t know how it all works.
DJ: David Duchovny, has never been online.
Lisa: That’s stunning
DJ: And has never used email. You are one of the smartest peoples I’ve ever met.
DJ: Peoples (laughing) Doesn’t take much to be smart to Kevin.
Yeah, but I’m just saying, never been online? Are you avoiding it on purpose?
DD: I think part of it is laziness, part of it is fear of technology and part of it is that I’m just stuck in my ways.
DJ: But I’d be willing to bet that you have a TIVO, right?
DD: I had, but I gave it back because I couldn’t figure it out.
DJ: (laughing) awww Dave.
Lisa: He’s got a blank spot.
DD: We like watching bad television. We don’t like watching good television
DJ: But you can tape bad television
DD: No! But that’s horrible. You’re not going to tape bad television
DJ: Of course
DD: I could watch… I could sit in front of the tv and watch Blind Date, but if I taped Blind Date
DD: What kind of person would I be?
Lisa: That’s just wrong
DJ: Forget for a minute that you are a smart guy and that you are Dave Duchovny, internationally known television and movie star (and rapper). (David laughing). Most people in your age group, in 2002, have gone ahead and broken down and gotten themselves a computer and they are using it…
DD: I have a computer.
DJ: That doesn’t count.
Lisa: But he doesn’t know how to use it.
DD: I use it as a typewriter without …
DD: Without having to use white out. So, I can re-write what I’ve written
DJ: This technology, Dave, I want you to mark my words, this technology is here to stay. It’s not a fad. It’s not going away.
DD: One of the things that makes me really want to learn, is that we take home movies of my daughter. I’d love to edit them together.
DJ: Oh, I’ve got the perfect thing for you. I’ll tell you off the air.
DD: So, I’m on the cusp of this revolution.
DJ: Your poor kids are going to grow up and go “I don’t know, my dad’s Amish”. (all laughing).
DD: Can you tell me something about something else I’ve heard about? This.. rap music they call it?
DD: Is this going to be a big thing?
DJ: No, no. It’s fading. Flash in the pan.
DD: So, I don’t need to get into that?
DJ: You should. Because I think you would be a good rapper. It would help you meet some of the black guys for your tv show (all laughing).
DJs: When is it going to air?
DD: I guess whenever we’re done.
DJs: Don't take Miami Vice's place. Miami Vice has
reruns playing from 3-4
DD: We'll try not
DJ: By the way, this is a total scam. I don't know if you can see
this, but David Duchovny has figured out how to leave the family and
across the country playing basketball.
DD: No no
no, I wont be there. I'm going to a producer, which means I sit at
DJ: and just cash checks and visit the
DD: No, there is no set. It's a wherever,
traveling set. No, I'll watch dailies. I'll look at all the footage. I'll sit
through hours and hours of footage to get the great stuff.
Gotcha. Are we saying goodbye to David? Because we are wayyyyy late.
you have been on the show many, many times and we always enjoy
DD: Always a pleasure.
DJ: XFiles, Sunday
Night. 8 o'clock it's the big 2 hour series finale. Seriously, good luck with
the new baby on the way
DD: Thank you.
you all the joy in the world on that. Go ahead and sign up for the internet,
I think you'll like it
DJ: And hope to see you
DD: I'll give you a report on the internet
when I come back.